I Will Always Love You...

September 29, 1994 started off normal...I fought with the alarm clock in getting up for work...You were still sleeping, but I knew you had a meeting that you were planning on going to...Just before I left for work, I went in and woke you up...You told me I looked nice and being my sarcastic self I said I always look nice and for you to have fun at your muckity muck meeting...I don't even remember kissing you goodbye...People get in a rut, taking things for granted and I took it for granted that you'd be here when I got home from work...

You had the gift of gab...people just loved you...you definitely were a true politician...you could tell people just about anything and they never gave it a second thought...I can't remember anyone every being made at you...Our mutual friends Tia & Nancy thought the world of you...people in the community actually thought you were having an affair with both of them...which I thought was hysterical...You were such a family man...You were so proud of the girls...and tickled pick to be a grandfather...

You were supposed to drive to the meeting, but as I later learned you were able to hitch a ride with Frank & Lou...You normally called me two or three times a day at work, just to see what I was doing or to let me know what your plans were...You were on disability since your first heart attack back in '81...We talked about me quitting work in a couple of years...The girls were both out on their own and it was now our turn...to do those things that we'd always talked about or to do whatever we pleased...we were both looking forward to those days...

The call came in at work around 4:30 PM...It was Frank calling...he just said "hi this is Frank is Grace there??? Which of course I thought so strange since I knew he would have been with you that morning and afternoon, but just as quick as the thought came I dismissed it...Grace came into my office and said that was Frank W...he said that John's had a heart attack and that he's being taking to the hospital by a squad and that he & Lou would pick me up...My heart sank...it had been several months since we'd had a run to the hospital...things were feeling all most normal again...you had just been to your doctor yesterday...and you reported that he'd see you next month...I grabbed my purse and went outside to wait, for what seemed like hours...my knees and legs were like rubber...I kept waiting to here the wail of the sirens, but I heard nothing...Carolyn came running out of the building to give me a hug...I was ready to take off running to the hospital, but at the point Frank & Lou pulled into the parking lot...I got into the car and said some stupid things to Lou, like who are you, and then I asked Frank how bad it was and he said bad...For some reason, I think I knew at that time that you were gone, but I wasn't going to fully admit that to myself...We got to the hospital and the ambulance wasn't there yet...which I found strange...As we walked in they tried to usher us into a room, that I already knew was not the room I wanted to go into...I refused...saying that I know what it means when they put people in that room...they told me that we needed to stay in there that the squad was bringing you in and were still working on you...still I heard no sirens...within minutes they ushered us to another room and someone came in and said you were gone...I was numb...Poor Frank & Lou...I don't think they knew what to say...I called Karen and told her she needed to get a hold of your brother to come to the hospital...she asked me if everything was ok...knowing how she cherished you and that she was alone, was to tell her that it wasn't good...The must have also contacted your twin, as within minutes both of your brothers were there...I was told that I could see you as soon as they got things cleaned up...they explained to me what I should expect...They still had you intubated...they asked me if I would like to donate your organs, I told them I would have to talk with the girls first, and they told me time was of the essence, but I was unable to get a hold of the girls...in the meantime, they realized you were diabetic and unfortunately they wouldn't be able to utilized your organs...

The time came...I was allowed to see you...Frank & Lou went with me...It looked like your were sleeping...you were warm to my touch...your shirt was ripped open...the buttons were gone...I could still see where they had put the leads on your chest...there was a funny odor in the room...I ws told it was the gel they used on your chest...you looked so at peace...

We were told that we stay as long as we wanted, but I needed to get home, so I could get a hold of the girls...you were so well known within the community, I didn't need them to hear this on the streets...I asked everyone to please not say anything to anyone until I talked with the girls...

I got back home...the house was empty...your car was there...but the house was empty...I still expected to see you when I walked in the door...I was now feeling like this was all a dream...and that I'd wake up any moment...

I continued to try and get a hold of the girls...I finally was able to reach Deb...fortunately she was at Ron's and he brought her to the house...I can still hear the silence on the end of the phone line after I told her...I continue to try Tra...finally I called her mother-n-law...she said you were sleeping, I asked her to please wake you that it was important and I guess she could tell by my voice that something was wrong...she wanted to make sure she was there in case you needed her once I spoke with you...All I can remember you screaming into the phone, was "Oh no Mom..."

It was now time to contact my mother and father...they were on vacation in Florida...you had just taken them to the airport a couple of days ago...My mother was alone when I called, my dad was out fishing...I didn't want to tell her without dad being there, but I felt I had no choice...The next person to call was my sister...After that, it didn't make any difference...you were gone...the girls were by my side...and my family was notified...The girls took over making phone calls to various people...the phone was ringing off the hook...people were coming to the house....once again...it just felt like a dream...a dream that would be over when I woke up in the morning...Tra & Dan stayed with me for the next few days...and Ron stayed with Deb....my parents were able to get a flight back home...The next 7 days were filled with making arrangements, people, phone calls, flowers, food being dropped off for the family...

The day you were buried was a beautiful day...The sun was shining...it was like you were looking down and saying that you were ok...

It was now time to attempt to move forward without you...I sent the girls home...telling them they had their lives to live and they didn't need to spend it taking care of me, that I would be fine...Reluctantly they left...the house was now empty...the phone had stopped ringing...the people had stopped coming...the mail was back to being occupant...there was a void...

I could go on forever telling you about the last 14 years, but I'm sure you've been watching over us since that day...Our daughters have grown into beautiful women...their husbands are the love of their lives...we have a total of 7 grandchildren...6 girls and 1 little guy...Jessica remembers you...the others know what we tell them about you...you would be proud...of all of them...

I do have someone special in my life...he lost his wife a couple of years after I lost you...He's good to the girls and he just adores the kids...you haven't lost your place in my heart...I just made room to love again...

Fourteen years ago today you became an angel...I think about you everyday and I will miss and love you forever...